I'm a former Metropolitan Museum Guard with a commercial and fine arts background. I enjoyed your story, not to mention turning the prompt around in great time. Thanks for the great read!
This story has several interesting elements worth re-reading. That's one thing I love about good lit; stories so worthy of a time investment you go back and find a new perspective to read it with. You gave the reader enough latitude to do that, or maybe it's just me who does that. Either way, your craft is on track. I can tell your skills have reached Jedi status, so I offer no real criticism, at least none that you haven't already heard. The story was worthy of my time and that's rare. I suppose I'm fortunate to have Palahniuk's free post wall to find good lit, but I argue that I would've found you eventually on my own.
One suggestion (not a criticism): In the second graf, combine the first two sentences so "Nothing in the world draws in a crowd like art" is only used once. Normally, I'd like the way you did it. But it came too early and I felt like I was forced to re-read the first line. In the beginning of a story, that can be a a turn off. But I didn't get turned off, LULZ! I knew what you were doing and the style's used by most people who's dominant influence is CP.
In the words of Joe Dirt, "Just keep on keeping on, Man." Your worth in this industry will be apparent soon enough.
Final Grade: 93/100
Final Analysis: Only 7% of your novel had excessive wording. Tighten these and you'll make up the difference. Don't be put off by that. Most people can't get 20% of their story past me with overwriting. You're at the top of your class on this.
Analysis by Perspective: Traditionally published authors have received grades as low as 12% by me and I've never given Stephen King more than 49%. I hope this perspective helps.
Hi there Nick, thank you for the read, the re-read, and the generous feedback (Jedi status is a compliment I won’t soon forget)! It’s much appreciated to get responses such as these, and the high percentage grade certainly helps, which definitely increases my confidence to continue sharing writing I would have otherwise never shared. Thanks again.
Amazing story. Well-written and I love the gut punch. Is it possible that you need to edit it? Thought I saw a couple of blemishes, but I did skim...Either way, you should definitely be proud. I've also hypothesized that many people are more destructive at heart than they'd like to let on-this was a wonderful way to show that. I just wish a lot more people would listen to voices like yours.
Thank you very much! It is entirely possible I need to edit it, I was writing it in Word then copying over and back and forth with each edit and might have forgotten to copy the final edits over... That destructive nature is a part of everyone but it’s fun to explore in writing rather than actually act on it. Thanks again!
That really means a lot, I appreciate you sharing! I don’t often let anyone read my writings so any amount of connection with people is more than I could have hoped for. Thank you.
I like the beginning of the story but you could have done a better job of bringing in the radioactive counter tops. Felt a little phoned in to me , I do love the chuck pahloniuk name drop
I'm a former Metropolitan Museum Guard with a commercial and fine arts background. I enjoyed your story, not to mention turning the prompt around in great time. Thanks for the great read!
Thank you Steve! Hopefully you never encountered artists such as these in your time as a guard.
Much appreciated!
This story has several interesting elements worth re-reading. That's one thing I love about good lit; stories so worthy of a time investment you go back and find a new perspective to read it with. You gave the reader enough latitude to do that, or maybe it's just me who does that. Either way, your craft is on track. I can tell your skills have reached Jedi status, so I offer no real criticism, at least none that you haven't already heard. The story was worthy of my time and that's rare. I suppose I'm fortunate to have Palahniuk's free post wall to find good lit, but I argue that I would've found you eventually on my own.
One suggestion (not a criticism): In the second graf, combine the first two sentences so "Nothing in the world draws in a crowd like art" is only used once. Normally, I'd like the way you did it. But it came too early and I felt like I was forced to re-read the first line. In the beginning of a story, that can be a a turn off. But I didn't get turned off, LULZ! I knew what you were doing and the style's used by most people who's dominant influence is CP.
In the words of Joe Dirt, "Just keep on keeping on, Man." Your worth in this industry will be apparent soon enough.
Final Grade: 93/100
Final Analysis: Only 7% of your novel had excessive wording. Tighten these and you'll make up the difference. Don't be put off by that. Most people can't get 20% of their story past me with overwriting. You're at the top of your class on this.
Analysis by Perspective: Traditionally published authors have received grades as low as 12% by me and I've never given Stephen King more than 49%. I hope this perspective helps.
Hi there Nick, thank you for the read, the re-read, and the generous feedback (Jedi status is a compliment I won’t soon forget)! It’s much appreciated to get responses such as these, and the high percentage grade certainly helps, which definitely increases my confidence to continue sharing writing I would have otherwise never shared. Thanks again.
Trust the Force, Remy. I gave you no special treatment in my assessment, you earned this grade. Rock on!
I love the set up! Such an interesting premise and a great narrative. Good work :)
Thank you very much! Very glad to have kept your attention! Much appreciated.
That's a cool story, thanks for sharing.
Thank you for reading and for the feedback!
Amazing story. Well-written and I love the gut punch. Is it possible that you need to edit it? Thought I saw a couple of blemishes, but I did skim...Either way, you should definitely be proud. I've also hypothesized that many people are more destructive at heart than they'd like to let on-this was a wonderful way to show that. I just wish a lot more people would listen to voices like yours.
Thank you very much! It is entirely possible I need to edit it, I was writing it in Word then copying over and back and forth with each edit and might have forgotten to copy the final edits over... That destructive nature is a part of everyone but it’s fun to explore in writing rather than actually act on it. Thanks again!
Just told my wife about the story and she was impressed too. Great job!
That really means a lot, I appreciate you sharing! I don’t often let anyone read my writings so any amount of connection with people is more than I could have hoped for. Thank you.
I like the beginning of the story but you could have done a better job of bringing in the radioactive counter tops. Felt a little phoned in to me , I do love the chuck pahloniuk name drop
Honestly, I don’t disagree. I think the introduction is a bit abrupt but is certainly an aspect to work on. I appreciate the feedback!